Rooftop Sadness
by Kathryn0505
Summary: The Hotel Carmilla sees more tears from Eric Northman. Set in S7E5 (Lost Cause), before Pam and Eric go to see Amber.


**A/N: I realized that in S7E5 "Lost Cause" they are staying in the same hotel that Godric died at. I couldn't just let that go unmentioned!**

TRUE BLOOD

Upon arrival in Dallas, Eric and Pam had decided to check into their hotel before they tried to track down Amber. It was always better to have a place to stay for the day prepared before it got close to sunrise. He'd made that mistake only once before, hundreds of years before he'd made Pam, and he still remembered almost sizzling to death. It was not something he wanted to experience again.

When they finally made it to their room, he left Pam to take care of everything they would need and to get them settled in. He didn't know what she was doing, but he was sure that she would handle everything that needed handling, just as she always did.

While she was distracted he took the opportunity to slip away. There was somewhere he wanted to visit while he had the chance.

He stood on the roof of the Hotel Carmilla, looking off into the distance to see the same view Godric had had as he'd died. It seemed fitting that he should be here at the place his maker had met the true death as he himself was dying.

At the time he had been angry and confused by Godric's choice to leave. He couldn't understand why he would want to give up when he had so much life left to live. But standing here now he could understand it. A thousand years was a long time to live, and eternity seemed too long to even try to conquer.

What had he done in his time here that had mattered? What decisions had he made that would have lasting, meaningful consequences?

Turning Pam was the only thing he had done that had really brought him joy in a very long time. Seeing the world anew through her eyes had been an amazing experience and he had always been grateful to her for convincing him to make her his. She had demonstrated many times through both words and action that she felt indebted to him for his gift of eternal life and he knew she felt like she could never repay him. What she didn't realize was that she had given him so much more in return.

Leaving Pam behind was the only thing he was dreading about his death. He knew it would hurt her and he honestly wasn't sure if she would survive it. Perhaps he'd done her a disservice keeping her around for so long, but neither of them would have had it any other way.

But although she had brought him so much happiness in the past, he just didn't have any fight left in him. He, as Godric had, sought the peace death would bring.

"What the fuck, Eric?" his progeny's irritated voice rang out across the rooftop. "I've been looking everywhere for you. You scared the fuck outta me."

He bit back a smile at the snark in her tone. "You found me."

She sped over to his side, not liking the tone of his voice. "What are you doing up here?"

"Thinking," he said, looking down at her affectionately as she rolled her eyes.

"Don't you _think_ we should be looking for Amber?" she reminded him. "She's sure as shit not up here."

Eric didn't respond and Pam looked at him in frustration. He was wasting time they did not have and just as she was about to snap his name he told her, "This is where Godric met the sun."

"Dallas?" she finally spoke, his topic of conversation unexpected.

"Here, on this rooftop," he clarified.

She looked around at it again, as if she could find some evidence of what he was saying. It suddenly looked different in light of this new information.

"Eric, I don't-"

"I was angry at him. I didn't understand," he told her.

"I remember." He'd sulked for weeks afterwards. She'd been afraid to approach him about it, knowing it was a sensitive topic. So she'd kind of hovered around him for a while, available if he needed her but trying to give him space. It had been an awkward balance, but she hadn't known what else to do.

"I still miss him," he said and she was shocked to see a few tears fall. She couldn't remember ever seeing him cry in the past and it scared her now. She grabbed his hand in hers and leaned her head on his shoulder, hugging his arm to her. She felt him shift to face her and she found herself enveloped in one of his sweet hugs.

"I'm going to die, Pam," he told her.

She pulled back enough to see his face, shaking her head. "I can't believe that," she said.

"I'm okay with it," he continued. "But I'm sorry that we won't have more time together."

Tears welled in her eyes. "Why are you doing this?" she croaked. She'd spent most of her time failing to forget that their time together was limited. And it seemed he'd given up entirely. Tears began to slip down her cheeks in earnest and he cupped her face tenderly.

"Because you need to be prepared," he told her. She let out a sob and he pulled her close to his chest. "And I need to take this opportunity to tell you how much I love you and how proud I am that you're my progeny."

"I don't want to hear this," she cried. She mustered her strength and pushed him back, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "You've given up? Fine! But I haven't. And until you're actually goo I'm not going to give up on trying to heal you. You say you still miss Godric but you're leaving me behind so easily, Eric. How could you do this to me?" she sobbed, losing her composure completely. She covered her face with her hands.

"You're going to be fine," he soothed. He reached out and cupped her elbows with his hands, tugging gently to meet her in the middle.

"I'm not!" she wailed. "How could I be fine if you're gone?"

"Look at me," he said and waited until her eyes met his. "I need you to continue on after I'm gone, Pam. I need to know that you will continue to live without me." Seeing the despair in her eyes, he added, "Promise me."

She wasn't sure it was a promise she could keep but she could see how badly he needed to hear it. "I promise only if _you_ promise that you will do your best to find a way to cure yourself."

"Alright, it's a deal," he said. "Shake on it?" he held his hand out to her and she gave a shaky laugh as she placed her hand in his. He used it to pull her close and wrap his arms around her.

"I love you," she breathed, knowing that if he died without her saying the words she would never forgive herself. She felt him kiss her neck and rub her back.

After a few minutes she had finally calmed down enough to pull away. "Are you ready to go find that Christian cunt?"

He nodded and allowed her to lead them off the roof. He promised he'd help her find a cure, and she was damn well going to hold him to it.


End file.
